Wednesday, February 8, 2012

2 years ago today...

Ross and I were at a Superbowl party. Earlier that day, we had had lunch with some family members at a local restaurant. My doctor had scheduled my c-section for that coming Thursday. My friends kept telling me to have a plan B, just in case something went askew. No way, I told them. Things will go just as routine and smoothly as they did the first time. I was convinced of it.

When I was just a few short weeks of having Jude, my doctor found out that he was in breech position and informed me that I would need a c-section. I was crushed. As I sat there, alone, at the doctor's office, I held back tears while I scheduled the date with my doctor. It never entered my mind that I would have anything other than the "normal" birthing process. You know, where you have that moment when it's time to go to the hospital, there's hustle and bustle and it's all unplanned, not to mention exciting. So, for my doctor to tell me we were setting the date to have a surgery to have my very first baby, it was very different from what I had dreamed of my whole life. And I was just plain sad about it. I finally became ok with it, and everything went as planned. And to be honest, afterward, I didn't care if he had come out of my ear, I was just glad he was born and healthy.

So, when it was time to have my second baby, I thought everything would go as it did the first time.

Wrong. God had a different plan. He's funny like that sometimes. Later that night after the Superbowl party, I started to get sick. Food poisoning reared its ugly head, and wreaked havoc on a 9 month pregnant woman. Not long after that started happening, the contractions started. No way am I in labor, I thought. Just a little food poisoning. But, after the contractions got closer together and more intense, we decided to call the on-call doctor at midnight.

Take her in, he says. But we had no plan B! What were we going to do?! Thankfully, a sweet friend came to be with a sleeping Jude while we ran off to the hospital. Yep, I was in labor. Yep, I was vomiting still. Yep, Ross was incredibly sick too. It was chaos. About that time, it had started snowing.

It continued snowing through the night, and by morning, a blizzard had happened. The roads and everything else were covered. And I was finally wakening from my drug induced night, feeling pretty icky, but at least I wasn't in labor anymore. And I wasn't vomiting either. Sweet.

That whole day was a roller coaster. My sweet family had all driven in (in the blizzard, might I add) to be with us and help take care of Jude. The doctor decided not to do the c-section that day because I had been sick, but they kept flip flopping. We might do the c-section, we might not. It was agonizing! After his heart rate dropped, they were convinced that that day, February 8th should be his birthday. And so he was born! 

Ezra James Fergus
7lbs 12oz
20.5in long

 (The pictures from his birth are on another hard drive, and sadly the only person who knows how to access them is in the bed sick. So, these are pictures at 2 days old. Still tiny and precious!)

Before he was born, I wondered, how could I ever love another child as much as I loved Jude? When you have one, you love them in such a way, you're not sure how you could love another. God gives us what we need, folks. He gives us enough love to love all of our little ones, each in a different way.

And as crazy as he coming into this world was, his personality totally fits the bill. He is extremely willful, stubborn, vocal and fearless. But he is also tender hearted, loving and cuddly. He is such a joy to be around. I can't wait to see the kind of man God makes him to be.

I saw this sweet video on facebook today and wanted to share the words:

"Who am I?
I'm a woman with many talents and interests. I love to read and I love to laugh. I love chocolate and I love to experience new things.
I have made many choices in my life.
And I chose YOU.
Yes, I chose sleepless nights. Messes. Tears. Some of the hardest days of my life.
But I also chose JOY. Love. Laughter.
Some of the sweetest moments I have experienced. Togetherness. Moments of peace. Appreciation.
I chose YOU.
And that choice has changed me forever...and quite possibly the world."

It kind of puts in perspective the love that God has for us and how He chose us by sending Jesus to die for us so that we could be saved. One of the hardest things He had to do, no doubt. I am grateful that Jesus chose me.

I have often wondered why God made me a mom. I feel like I fail at it on a daily basis. But, I am so, so grateful that He did. For being a mama to these 2 sweet boys is one of the greatest blessings I could ever experience.

Happy birthday to my sweet little Ezra!! You make life more enjoyable and fun!

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; 
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
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