Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Calzones and menu post

I haven't cooked anything new lately. Partly (or mostly) because I've had no motivation or energy to. I've cooked dinners, but mostly just stuff I've cooked before. When you're emotionally exhausted, it makes you exhausted everywhere...even down to your finger tips and pinky toes. And I've been focusing way too much on my lack of energy lately. So, today, I thought I needed a redirection of focus. I need to set some (small) goals and focus on the goals, instead of my lack of wanting to do anything. So, my goal this week is to cook something new.

I've been wanting to cook a real calzone for some time now, but have never done it, like with homemade dough and everything. I know it's nothing super extravagant, but I can't do extravagant right now. So, calzones it is!

Here's our menu for this week:

Chicken noodle soup and bread

Crockpot roast, potatoes and carrots

Homemade pizza

One pot mac

Fish (cod) sandwiches and roasted veggies

Broccoli and cheese calzones

Small group night

Monday, June 18, 2012

Future plans

Lately, my thoughts and feelings have been so jumbled, I haven't even known where to begin to start a post. I've sat down and even started writing so many times, but have eventually just deleted what I started. I'd like to use work as an excuse, but that's just not the case. Yes, I've been working a lot, but that is not the whole truth. With my work, it's straight forward, I type what other people say and try to get their story down right. I don't have to think about myself or sorting out any of what's in my head. It almost makes choosing it over this so much easier. And then I think, well, I do have a ton to do (which comes with strict deadlines), therefore the decision to work over write is even easier. I can push my internal stuff aside and focus on someone else. And to be honest, work has been kind of a distraction for me, it keeps my mind busy, and I like that a lot.

But this blog has been a little constant thought in the back of my brain every day. Don't get me wrong, I love writing. I love writing about my life, and I really love having this blog...obviously, or I wouldn't have started it. But, when  you don't even feel like you have much to offer anyone (or anything else), it becomes hard.

Like I said, my thoughts and feelings have been a big ole mess here recently. And I've struggled with all I want to share on here. But the blogs I love most are written by people who aren't afraid to share their real selves, their real struggles. And ultimately, I want to be real. I don't only want to show the happy parts of my life, where I have it all together and everything is a delight instead of a duty...cause that's just not how it really is. So, here it goes.

Most of you know, Ross has been job hunting for what seems like forever. It's really only been since November or so, but it feels like a lifetime. The funding for his current job has run out, and they told him that he'd be covered until the end of June. At the time, it seemed like such a long way off, surely we'd have something else by then. But here we are at the end of June (almost) and we're still jobless, we're still in the same exact place we were all those months ago.

The word frustrating doesn't even cut it. I have struggled so very hard through this time, going from full of hope to hopeless. I've had complete trust in God one day, to having no trust the next day. It's been a roller coaster of feelings and emotions for sure. Ultimately I know God will take care of us, but when you have absolutely no control over or even knowledge of your future, and you can't see how God will work it all out, things feel a bit shaky, to say the least. It's definitely shown me Who my security must rest in. Not in my circumstances, not in having a job, not in the being in control of my life, and certainly not in being comfortable. This has most definitely not been a time of comfort. There have been days that I've cried. That I've wondered what in the heck God is doing, been frustrated with Him and wondering when He will give us an answer. But my faith and my marriage have grown too. Ross and I have grown closer together through this, learning to lean on each other more. And my faith... there are really faith-filled days when I am completely at peace and joyful in where we are, and what God is going to do, even though I have no idea what it is yet.

So, we are waiting now. And we are praying. And we continue to trust. It's a hard place to be in, but it's good, too. It's good because this is where the growth comes in, as a person and as a follower of Jesus.

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

And ultimately I know where and with who my future lies, so, what do I have to fear?

The most recent update is that Ross flew out to a research company in Richmond, Virginia last week to interview and he said it went really well. We are still waiting to hear back from them, so hopefully that will happen soon, but we are trusting no matter what the outcome is.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

WAHM? (and a menu post snuck in)

I have added a new title to my lost list of qualifications. I am a wife, mom, referee, cook, keeper of the house, dog fosterer, hobbyist photographer, blogger, singer, baker, knitter, booger wiper, along with a billion other titles, but now I've added one more...working from home (part time, that is). That is why I've suspiciously been more quiet on the blog lately, there's just not enough free time in my days anymore. While I am so grateful for the opportunity to work from home and help contribute financially to my family, it hasn't come without a little kicking and screaming on my part...internally, that is.

I have mourned my "me" time, but I have also realized that there are more important things than just having "me" time. Yes, some "me" time is needed, but as much as I had before? I loved all the "me" time I had, but at what cost? Is that where love shines through, in the time I spend on myself?

Motherhood is all about sacrifice, and sacrificing some of my "me" time has been hard, but is ultimately what is best for my family. And it's been a blessing. I've thought over and over to myself other moms do it, I can too! 

I prayed for this. I have desired so much to be able to help out my family financially without having to work outside the home. So, while it's been hard, I've had to do some rearranging of my schedule. I even had to make a list of all the things I wanted to get done in a day because I'm not gonna lie, I was overwhelmed for awhile. It seemed like nothing was getting done. But, I am getting used to the new schedule and cherishing the "me" times I get even more now. And I feel that me and my family are better for it. :)

Even though this post has nothing to do with our menu, I'm gonna sneak our menu in for this week:

Homemade pizza

Beef stew (bumped from last week)

We will be birthday partying with friends that day, and Ross's sweet parents are taking us out for a belated anniversary dinner

Baked salmon & roasted veggies

We will not be eating at home

We will be getting home late, so we may not eat at home this night as well. If so, it'll just be turkey sandwiches with chips

Not sure if we're having group this night. If not, then I'll fix up some chicken and rice. 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Marriage, duty or delight?

As a girl, I didn't have the traditional white picket fence dreams. I never thought I would get married, have a family, be a stay-at-home-mom and wife, these dreams just did not seem real to me. I never felt "normal" and didn't have dreams of a "normal" life. That's why I was so wild and crazy in my teen years. It's not that I didn't want the normal things, it's just that I never thought I was lovable or deserving of love, and never thought these things were actually attainable, so I dismissed them.

But after I met Jesus when I was 20, my dreams changed. Suddenly I wanted someone to spend my life with, and I sought to do just that. I didn't know just who it was God had in store for me. And I surely tell you, I never ever thought it would be the skinny, shaved headed boy from White Station High School who loved science, wore baggy jeans and would actually pick on girls rather than flirt with them.

I think it's so funny when I think back to how I knew Ross in high school, and who he is now, he's not the same boy, but I'm not the same girl either. 

Even though I would have never picked him back then, I couldn't imagine a man more perfect for me now. He balances me out perfectly, and he is fun, strong, confident, caring, silly, hard working, and the greatest Dad to our boys. He has made me a better wife and mother, and I am proud to call him my husband.

Most people think of marriage as a duty, and along with it comes so many negative terms, like "ball and chain", "tying down", "the beginning of the end" and many others, and that makes me sad. And I'm not going to lie, at times it feels like a duty. It's hard pouring your life out for someone else, self-sacrifice is no joke, people. But, it's in that where the delight comes in. Every time we die to ourselves, every time we kill that selfish voice inside of us that screams WHAT ABOUT ME??? and do something for our spouse, or for anyone else for that matter, we are strengthened, we are built up, we are more like Jesus.

I consider my marriage a delight, for sure. With the risk of sounding cheesy, at the end of the day, there is no one on this earth I would rather be with to watch old episodes of Friends with, or to watch some silly B movie we rented, to raise babies with, to grow old with, than the man I joined my life and flesh with 6 years ago today. He loves me, makes me laugh, challenges me, helps keep me focused and grounded, and he loves Jesus. It's not a perfect life, but it's our that I love very much. What more could a girl ask for?

Disclaimer and Copyright

All information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. Whether you try any of my methods or ideas is totally up to you. I am in no way saying you should do everything the way I do, every family is different and you should find out what's best for yours. I would, however, be delighted if you tried some new things in your own lives (whether be my ideas, your own, or someone else's), and shared it with me.

Also, you may use any of the content of this blog for your own personal use, but please do not take the ideas on my blog and claim them as your own. You may link back to my site with proper credit. This is much appreciated.

Helpful Sites

The Frugal Girl (frugality, repurposing, etc)

The Pioneer Woman (recipes)

MCP Actions (photography, PS/PSE actions)

Coffeeshop Blog (photography, digital design and PS freebies)

Digital Photography School (photography)