Marriage, duty or delight?

As a girl, I didn't have the traditional white picket fence dreams. I never thought I would get married, have a family, be a stay-at-home-mom and wife, these dreams just did not seem real to me. I never felt "normal" and didn't have dreams of a "normal" life. That's why I was so wild and crazy in my teen years. It's not that I didn't want the normal things, it's just that I never thought I was lovable or deserving of love, and never thought these things were actually attainable, so I dismissed them.

But after I met Jesus when I was 20, my dreams changed. Suddenly I wanted someone to spend my life with, and I sought to do just that. I didn't know just who it was God had in store for me. And I surely tell you, I never ever thought it would be the skinny, shaved headed boy from White Station High School who loved science, wore baggy jeans and would actually pick on girls rather than flirt with them.

I think it's so funny when I think back to how I knew Ross in high school, and who he is now, he's not the same boy, but I'm not the same girl either. 

Even though I would have never picked him back then, I couldn't imagine a man more perfect for me now. He balances me out perfectly, and he is fun, strong, confident, caring, silly, hard working, and the greatest Dad to our boys. He has made me a better wife and mother, and I am proud to call him my husband.

Most people think of marriage as a duty, and along with it comes so many negative terms, like "ball and chain", "tying down", "the beginning of the end" and many others, and that makes me sad. And I'm not going to lie, at times it feels like a duty. It's hard pouring your life out for someone else, self-sacrifice is no joke, people. But, it's in that where the delight comes in. Every time we die to ourselves, every time we kill that selfish voice inside of us that screams WHAT ABOUT ME??? and do something for our spouse, or for anyone else for that matter, we are strengthened, we are built up, we are more like Jesus.

I consider my marriage a delight, for sure. With the risk of sounding cheesy, at the end of the day, there is no one on this earth I would rather be with to watch old episodes of Friends with, or to watch some silly B movie we rented, to raise babies with, to grow old with, than the man I joined my life and flesh with 6 years ago today. He loves me, makes me laugh, challenges me, helps keep me focused and grounded, and he loves Jesus. It's not a perfect life, but it's our life...one that I love very much. What more could a girl ask for?

Eliminating stress in small ways

No, this is not a post about the fun things I do to bring calm into my life (like a hot bath, a good book or a yummy piece of chocolate), although I do have a pretty good list of those things too. These are things that I do in my life to make my life a little less stressful and I wanted to share them.

1) I shop consignment or used for my kiddos. Since kids grow so fast, and my boys are hard on their clothes, this makes much more sense to me than buying everything new. I actually just got a lot of summer items (including sandals for Jude) at the seasonal consignment sale for under $20. This makes me very happy!

2) We rent movies (dvds)  from the library. Our local library has a pretty big movie selection and Ross and I are huge movie lovers. Watching new movies or ones we have seen a million times but still love is something we enjoy doing together. We do try to stay away from movies with nudity and/or sex, but other than that, we’ll give just about any movie a try.

3) I buy a lot of my own clothes at Goodwill. I could go every weekend, I love it that much. It’s almost like trying to find a diamond in the rough. Sometimes I will go and find nothing, other times I will go and find a bunch of great stuff. It’s one of my favorite stores, and you're helping others out by shopping there, so it's a win-win!

4) I gladly accept hand-me-downs. Shoes, clothes, furniture, if it’s something I need, can use or repurpose, I am glad to take it off your hands.

5) We watch all of our shows online.  That means no cable. While I have to admit, it would be nice to have cable, it actually is way less stressful for me for two reasons. a) For obvious budget reasons. Cable can get expensive, and that is one less thing we have to worry about, budget-wise; and the more important reason, b) I don’t see all those pesky commercials. I know material things aren’t important and don’t make us happy, but I love to shop and to spend money. Commercials just remind me of all the things I don’t have, but want so badly. And I am one of those easily swayed people who can’t determine between wants and needs. Don’t get me wrong, I know there is no way to completely eliminate media/ads/commercials, but this helps a tremendous amount.

6) Every once in awhile, we go through the kids toys and give away/sell old toys they no longer play with. This means less clutter, which means less stress for me.

This is not a complete list, but just a few quick ways I try to keep myself less stressed when it comes to money. Because let’s face it, money is an area of stress for a lot of people and their relationships. And while my life isn’t perfect on this subject by any means, I have learned a few things about staying on a budget, how hard it is, but also how beneficial it can be.

Snacking and dirty dozen

Something I've always known since marrying my husband of almost 6 years is this: he loves to snack. Especially late at night. And ever since THIS post, I've only been buying what we need for that particular week. Which has been great, for my sanity, and our budget, but something isn't working right. When Ross is hungry, he goes scavenging in the kitchen...and when you only buy what you need for a certain week, there isn't much to scavenge.

So, that made me think. How can we fix this problem? I want my man to be happy and have healthy snacks to munch on when it's scavenging time. So, I did the most logical think I could think of. I asked him. What would you like to snack on? (He's quite a picky eater and how ever much I'd like to be, I'm not a mind reader.) His answer was super vague and not very helpful, so I'm not yet quite sure what to do. However, I will figure this out! I know I can't solve every problem in my life, but I want to at least try.


On another note, I've been reading a lot about the "dirty dozen" and the "clean 15" lists. Ever heard of those? The dirty dozen are the 12 fruits and vegetables that tested the highest in 2010 for pesticides. They are: celery, peaches, strawberries, apples, blueberries, nectarines, bell peppers, spinach, cherries, kale/collard greens, potatoes, and imported grapes. The clean 15 are supposedly the lowest in pesticide residues: onions, avocado, sweet corn, pineapple, mangos, sweet peas, asparagus, kiwi, cabbage, eggplant, cantaloupe, watermelon, grapefruit, sweet potato, and honeydew melon. I haven't given much thought to any of this, but it keeps coming up, so I might need to start paying attention. I do know one thing, I definitely need to start scrubbing my fresh veggies/fruits. No, I have not been doing this (oopsie). Yes, I will start, especially since we can't really afford to go all-organic. In my opinion, it's all about doing what you can, not about going broke to be "healthy." (but actually getting my kids to eat veggies is an issue in-and-of itself, so this point may be moot anyway!) 


Totally unrelated to anything in this post, last week the temp was in the 50s and 60s. And today it snowed...so weird. But at least it's acting like winter now!