Life

You know those big, scary, things in your life that happen, leaps of faith you've taken and you're like, oh, this worked out so perfectly, everything just fit into place and you just knew it was meant to be?

It's happened to me before, when I went on a mission trip to Indonesia many years ago. I made the decision to go 2 weeks before we were supposed to leave. I got my vaccines, passport, raised all the support money in that time frame, it was amazing to see God work like that.

But what about the leaps of faith that are taken and not everything has worked out perfectly? What about the times when, in fact, it seems like nothing has gone right? When you're left wondering why? Why did it happen and why did it happen this way? This move has been one of those times. Moving here has probably been one of the hardest things I've ever done thus far in my life, and frankly, I've been afraid to write about it. Afraid of letting people know how I really feel and sounding like a negative nancy, but also afraid of painting an unreal picture of how life has been and seeming too fake.

Life has been difficult, I'm not going to lie. Every day is a struggle. Probably because for the most part, my attitude has not been the best. I feel like I constantly have an internal battle going on, parts of me scream out how unfair, uncomfortable, and how un-fun this is, other parts of me scream out how silly and immature that is, that at least my family is altogether and healthy, my husband has a great job, and I just need to get over myself. To be fully honest, I'm not quite ready to write about all of it. I still have a lot to work through and I'll need to do that and process it before I can even begin to write intelligent thoughts and feelings out about all of this.

One thing I have learned, is that Jesus is still good, even when life is not. Peace and joy can still be had when our circumstances suck, even though it's hard...very, very hard.

And just for the record, I would choose to be here in this place right now, rather than back home or anywhere else. These are the works God has prepared for me, and I will choose them rather than my own path any day.

But for now, I just want to share some good and not so good things that have been going on.

Our house used to look like this:

Now, like this. It doesn't look too different, boxes still line the walls. Hopefully we'll get all unpacked sometime soon.

This was a few weeks ago:

And today...

A few good things:

Ross is really liking his job. I'm so, so proud of him.

We've found a church that we really like and want to visit more of. 

Jude is starting part time preschool in a few weeks, we're both really excited about that. 

There are really great places to eat around here...and nice parks, too.

We'll be starting up story time at the library in a few weeks. 

We've met some of our neighbors, and most of them seem really nice.

And some less than good things:

This city is hard to figure out, geographically, and I get lost every time I get in the car.

Having only one car stinks.

Living on the south side of the city across the river means we have to pay tolls...and a lot of them. 

We live on a busy street, and it's hard to run around here. I am having withdrawals, big time.

I miss my old life. I miss Jonesboro, our friends, and our family. 

I guess that is all. I know things will get better, relocating is hard for anyone who has ever done it. It's just taxing, on the mind, on the body, on the spirit. 

Isaiah 40: 29-31

He gives strength to the weary 
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall; 
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength. 

Tomorrow's the day!

Life has been a bit hectic at the Fergus house. Later today, we are going to load up our truck and drive away from our little house on James. The very first house we bought, the house we started our family in, the house we've spent the last (almost) 6 years of our life in.

We will miss our friends and family who have helped shape us along the way, so much. We'll miss gathering with our church family on Sunday mornings. We'll miss Slim Chickens, the ASU farmer's market, and the Craighead library. We will miss our life here.

Can you tell I'm a little sad?

While I'm sad, I also choose to look forward to what is to come. A future unknown, a new life in a new city, a new adventure with my 3 guys, Ross's new job. It's exciting!

Here's what's been going on around here, lately:

Lots and lots of boxes

Boys watching tv together

A bathroom redo!

Tomorrow morning we're pulling out of Memphis with all of our livelihood, and my parents, who have so graciously offered to go to Richmond with us to help us move. We'll get to our new place on Saturday and start moving in, and Ross starts work on Monday. It's going to be a crazy weekend!

Please keep praying for our house to sell, it feels so strange leaving it behind as we go on to Richmond. I know we can trust God to take care of it, but it's still a little unsettling.

Thanks, friends. I am ready to do this!

Update on the move

Life is funny sometimes. We waited and waited for Ross to get a job. It seemed as though we were at a stand still for so long, it was agonizing. Not to be able to plan or even anticipate your future, it was a hard season, I'm not gonna lie, and it felt as though it would never end. Just a few shorts weeks ago, it felt like someone had hit the slow-mo button on the remote and we were moving in still shots, like on a tv screen.

Now, it seems as though we've hit the fast forward button. Things are moving so fast, I can barely keep up! At the end of each day, I am collapsing into bed, barely able to keep my eyes open. Most of you know, we had our Richmond trip (which was AWESOME, by the way and successful since we found a place to live), but I have to admit, that drive was brutal. And it will be even more brutal with 2 little kids, a dog, 2 cats and all of our lives put into a truck.

What was sweet about the trip though, was not us getting lost, which we did several times, not the tour we got of the city, because we had to drive ALL over since we didn't plan our routes very well, and not even the amazing local restaurants that we found and loved, but the sweetest part was leaving.

As we were driving away, I told Ross, it felt like we were leaving home. He agreed. I know we were only there for 2 days, but we loved the city. We felt like that was where we belonged. It's hard to explain, but that little trip made me want to move back there, and quickly. I am so glad for that little piece of grace so that I am not dreading the move. I am still sad to be leaving family and friends, but looking forward to calling Virginia home.

I mentioned on Facebook that we are moving on August 4th (or the 3rd, to make it a two day trip), and now that we've actually put our house on the market, we are just continuing to do things to the house to make it more sellable, and packing up our stuff. It's hard to imagine that in 2 short weeks, we will be Virginians, Ross will be starting a new job, and we will have to adjust to a new life in a new city, in which we will not know anyone. It was like that when we moved here, but looking back, it didn't seem like that big of a deal, just a 1 hour move. This move is much bigger.

We will survive it as many have done before, and hopefully we will settle into a new norm in the new place. The next 2 weeks will be crazy, though, I'm sure of it! 

If you think of us, please be praying about the upcoming move and selling of our house. There is a lot to be done! Thanks, friends!

Trusting God through relocation - Update

So, by now you all know that Ross got the job in Richmond. His official start date is August 6th. We are beyond overjoyed at this, of course. His offer was way better than we had anticipated or hoped for and our prayers were answered in ways we couldn't imagine. 

*throw my hands up and do a little dance*

Ok, now that we have that part figured out, now we have moved onto our next big hurdle.

Getting there.

Sounds easy, right? Not so much. We have 5 weeks to get there and moving is not very easy when you own a house. We have gone through every option out there (that we know of), from selling, to renting, and for reasons I won't really go into, none of the conventional methods of selling or renting are going to work for us. Not to mention we have to find a place to live there and move all of our stuff. The future is still so unpredictable and overwhelming to me right now that I can only take one day at a time. I know that sounds cliche-ish, but that's all I can handle at the moment, and truthfully, I think that's all we were meant to handle.

So, here are the things we do know and are doing:

• We've scheduled a trip to Richmond in a week to try to find a place to live. I'm looking online and have already picked a few places. I hope to pick a few more before we go.
• Ross's start date for his job, so we know he at least needs to be there by Aug. 6th.
• We have packed up a lot of stuff and are packing more every day.
• We are downsizing the amount of furniture/things we have by selling or giving away.
• We are fixing what we can on our house and giving it a good clean. 

Things we don't know yet:

• When exactly we will be moving.
• Where we will be living in Richmond. 
• What we are going to do with our house. 
• Just about everything at this point.

One good thing about all of this is it's distracting me from the fact that I'm turning 30 on Wednesday, which I'm not very excited about. I'm not quite sure why 30 is so unsettling to me, but my 20s were good, so hopefully my 30s will be even better. 

Please pray for us if you think of us! Still so much is unknown at this point, so, we're having to trust God every step of the way. It's hard, and at times frustrating, but we know He's got the whole thing figured out and the peace we get from knowing that is what keeps us moving forward.

Calzones and menu post

I haven't cooked anything new lately. Partly (or mostly) because I've had no motivation or energy to. I've cooked dinners, but mostly just stuff I've cooked before. When you're emotionally exhausted, it makes you exhausted everywhere...even down to your finger tips and pinky toes. And I've been focusing way too much on my lack of energy lately. So, today, I thought I needed a redirection of focus. I need to set some (small) goals and focus on the goals, instead of my lack of wanting to do anything. So, my goal this week is to cook something new.

I've been wanting to cook a real calzone for some time now, but have never done it, like with homemade dough and everything. I know it's nothing super extravagant, but I can't do extravagant right now. So, calzones it is!

Here's our menu for this week:


Thursday
Chicken noodle soup and bread

Friday
Crockpot roast, potatoes and carrots

Saturday
Homemade pizza

Sunday
One pot mac

Monday
Fish (cod) sandwiches and roasted veggies

Tuesday
Broccoli and cheese calzones

Wednesday
Small group night

Future plans

Lately, my thoughts and feelings have been so jumbled, I haven't even known where to begin to start a post. I've sat down and even started writing so many times, but have eventually just deleted what I started. I'd like to use work as an excuse, but that's just not the case. Yes, I've been working a lot, but that is not the whole truth. With my work, it's straight forward, I type what other people say and try to get their story down right. I don't have to think about myself or sorting out any of what's in my head. It almost makes choosing it over this so much easier. And then I think, well, I do have a ton to do (which comes with strict deadlines), therefore the decision to work over write is even easier. I can push my internal stuff aside and focus on someone else. And to be honest, work has been kind of a distraction for me, it keeps my mind busy, and I like that a lot.

But this blog has been a little constant thought in the back of my brain every day. Don't get me wrong, I love writing. I love writing about my life, and I really love having this blog...obviously, or I wouldn't have started it. But, when  you don't even feel like you have much to offer anyone (or anything else), it becomes hard.

Like I said, my thoughts and feelings have been a big ole mess here recently. And I've struggled with all I want to share on here. But the blogs I love most are written by people who aren't afraid to share their real selves, their real struggles. And ultimately, I want to be real. I don't only want to show the happy parts of my life, where I have it all together and everything is a delight instead of a duty...cause that's just not how it really is. So, here it goes.

Most of you know, Ross has been job hunting for what seems like forever. It's really only been since November or so, but it feels like a lifetime. The funding for his current job has run out, and they told him that he'd be covered until the end of June. At the time, it seemed like such a long way off, surely we'd have something else by then. But here we are at the end of June (almost) and we're still jobless, we're still in the same exact place we were all those months ago.

The word frustrating doesn't even cut it. I have struggled so very hard through this time, going from full of hope to hopeless. I've had complete trust in God one day, to having no trust the next day. It's been a roller coaster of feelings and emotions for sure. Ultimately I know God will take care of us, but when you have absolutely no control over or even knowledge of your future, and you can't see how God will work it all out, things feel a bit shaky, to say the least. It's definitely shown me Who my security must rest in. Not in my circumstances, not in having a job, not in the being in control of my life, and certainly not in being comfortable. This has most definitely not been a time of comfort. There have been days that I've cried. That I've wondered what in the heck God is doing, been frustrated with Him and wondering when He will give us an answer. But my faith and my marriage have grown too. Ross and I have grown closer together through this, learning to lean on each other more. And my faith... there are really faith-filled days when I am completely at peace and joyful in where we are, and what God is going to do, even though I have no idea what it is yet.

So, we are waiting now. And we are praying. And we continue to trust. It's a hard place to be in, but it's good, too. It's good because this is where the growth comes in, as a person and as a follower of Jesus.

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."


And ultimately I know where and with who my future lies, so, what do I have to fear?

The most recent update is that Ross flew out to a research company in Richmond, Virginia last week to interview and he said it went really well. We are still waiting to hear back from them, so hopefully that will happen soon, but we are trusting no matter what the outcome is.

WAHM? (and a menu post snuck in)

I have added a new title to my lost list of qualifications. I am a wife, mom, referee, cook, keeper of the house, dog fosterer, hobbyist photographer, blogger, singer, baker, knitter, booger wiper, along with a billion other titles, but now I've added one more...working from home (part time, that is). That is why I've suspiciously been more quiet on the blog lately, there's just not enough free time in my days anymore. While I am so grateful for the opportunity to work from home and help contribute financially to my family, it hasn't come without a little kicking and screaming on my part...internally, that is.

I have mourned my "me" time, but I have also realized that there are more important things than just having "me" time. Yes, some "me" time is needed, but as much as I had before? I loved all the "me" time I had, but at what cost? Is that where love shines through, in the time I spend on myself?

Motherhood is all about sacrifice, and sacrificing some of my "me" time has been hard, but is ultimately what is best for my family. And it's been a blessing. I've thought over and over to myself other moms do it, I can too! 

I prayed for this. I have desired so much to be able to help out my family financially without having to work outside the home. So, while it's been hard, I've had to do some rearranging of my schedule. I even had to make a list of all the things I wanted to get done in a day because I'm not gonna lie, I was overwhelmed for awhile. It seemed like nothing was getting done. But, I am getting used to the new schedule and cherishing the "me" times I get even more now. And I feel that me and my family are better for it. :)

Even though this post has nothing to do with our menu, I'm gonna sneak our menu in for this week:


Thursday
Homemade pizza


Friday
Beef stew (bumped from last week)


Saturday
We will be birthday partying with friends that day, and Ross's sweet parents are taking us out for a belated anniversary dinner


Sunday
Baked salmon & roasted veggies


Monday
We will not be eating at home


Tuesday
We will be getting home late, so we may not eat at home this night as well. If so, it'll just be turkey sandwiches with chips


Wednesday
Not sure if we're having group this night. If not, then I'll fix up some chicken and rice.